And if something happened to me who would care? I feel like he never does. I feel like he cares about me but my feelings no. Does he care that I feel like not waking up or does he care that I have these dark thoughts that no one knows about? Does he care that I don’t tell him as much as I did? Honestly I feel like I can’t tell him anything anymore.. When I try he ends up getting mad at me and we end up fighting. I don’t know if were going through a rough patch or is our relationship ending? I pray that we don’t break up but who knows? Only he does. My ex always said we were going through a rough patch and then he left. I always feel like he’s going to leave and is that because we shouldn’t be together or is it because i’m an insecure pathetic worthless piece of shit? And if he was to read this he would just assume that I don’t want us to work out but that’s not the case at all. I pray every night he doesn’t leave. But I need someone who is okay with me being like this and says things to me to help me get through this rather than someone trying to make me stronger. Because i’m not getting stronger i’m getting worse. I feel like a failure. I feel unwanted and unloved. and if he has to exaggerate his love for me he should be willing to do that. Because its the only thing that would help. Yelling and getting mad at me doesn’t help it makes me worse. It makes me want to start cutting again because I feel so useless. I just want someone to love me and help me and say things to me to make me feel better. because im sick of the dreams and not being able to sleep and laying in bed thinking about how much everyone hates me. I dont know why i think this way but i do and he knows that and it just really fucking sucks and i consider leaving this world more and more each day but who wants to hear that? No one not even him.